"You try and you try and you fail, and then you go deeper." Suzuki Roshi
How much misunderstandings in this life. How many misconceptions of truth. How much search for greatness and success and excellcnce and exclusivity and all in vain. How many castles I've built and now illusions have gone, reality is here and the ground feels simple and ordinary. Humble. How much dreaming and holding on to it. Years of it. When the truth shows up is like waking up from a dream. And I'm sitting on the ground. Alone. Disillusioned. Half discovered. But Real. I feel like I'm starting from scratch, insecure and vulnerable.
It does not matter how many trainings and courses and books and teachings and therapy and whatsoever. I know nothing until I know who I am.
One look in the mirror and all the knowledge has gone. It was either way misunderstood.
Truth has a different taste. Its taste is of the ground. Of the grass and of the trees.
Tastes of love and surrender and brings relaxation.
It is easy when there is nothing to build.
No image no structure. No movie.
What is this me that wants to be different does not matter anymore.
I know now it is not who I am.
A clinical psychiatrist questioned Suzuki Roshi about consciousness.
“I don’t know anything about consciousness,” Suzuki said. “I just try to teach my students how to hear the birds sing.”
The picture is from the Satori reatreat in Belgrade.
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